A boat is whelmed when water overflows into it
You have a thousand things to do, your phone is beeping with messages, the doorbell is ringing with the delivery you are expecting.
Yes, life nowadays can be all over the place. And it seems like even if we had 80 hours a day, we would still be behind on all we wanted to do.
There are so many choices to make, so many paths you could take.
How do you win at everything, all at once?
It's no wonder that your well-being and self-esteem take the hit.
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If you seem to be failing in the multitude of stuff you need to be succeeding in, you are an underwhelming human, right? And that's the polite way of putting it.
Your inner voice probably uses more graphic descriptions like loser, failure, dumbass, imbecile - take your pick. And get ready for the ride - as overwhelmed as you might already be, calling yourself names only puts fuel to the fire.
In such moments, of course, you'd pray life was underwhelming, and not you. The need for quiet and calm becomes more and more obvious when life only seems to speed up, and you, try as you might, can't catch up.
I know I wish everything would stop, at least for a minute or two, and let me catch my breath.
The worst part is, times quiet like this do occur.
But they are nothing like I hoped them to be. Instead of relaxing and recharging for what's to come, you find yourself restless, fidgeting around, wondering what to do when there's nothing to do.
“I know you can be underwhelmed and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?” Good question, asked way back in 1999 by Chasity Church in the movie Ten Things I Hate About You. Ask someone old school and they will wonder what's the point of it.
Whelm itself means cover or engulf completely with usually disastrous effect; to overcome in thought or feeling (Merriam-Webster). Nowadays though, a different interpretation of the word gains popularity. Moderately impressed is the modern meaning that Merriam-Webster gives.
Then, why can't we just whelm?
Why can't we just find the middle ground and enjoy life?
For some of us, remaining unfazed by life is harder than for others. Neurodivergent and highly sensitive people may struggle coping with stimuli that others find commonplace and easy to deal with.
The goal is not to become a person who is above stimuli and overwhelm, but to recognise our limits. And to establish boundaries that we are committed to honouring.
Overwhelm can often block your way forward. A very dreaded state - procrastination - tends to be one of the consequences.
It took me a long time to realise that.
As many of us usually do, I believed I was lazy and faulty in some way.
Almost nobody I knew was getting stuck on minor hurdles, and spending a considerable part of their life in "analysis paralysis".
People were out there living life, while I was struggling to get out of bed.
Of course, persistent overwhelm itself is a symptom only too, and it’s worth digging in to see what might be provoking it. But even understanding that the stimuli overload is something that can stop you in your tracks is already a step forward.
I don't have all the answers; if I have any at all.
What I definitely have are a lot of questions, while I'm learning to helm the overwhelm.
The most important learning so far is to work with yourself a bit more. To understand and recognise your needs, instead of trying to "toughen up" and zip through life as some others seem to be able to do.
Life is a journey, and it will take you over and under the whelm a fair bit.
Not being overwhelmed is not the goal to achieve, you don't fix yourself once and for all.
You just become better at living life with it.
This is Helm the Overwhelm.