Procrastination Is Not Rest

And we need and deserve to rest

I've had a complicated relationship with rest for as long as I can remember.

And now, trying to describe it, I begin to wonder. Did I ever have a relationship with it? Or was it this non-existent, unrequited kind of situation we see in dramas?

My thoughts were further cemented when I saw this quote, shared by

Kayti Christian

:

“Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman. Successful women? Yes. Productive women? Plenty. Anxious and afraid and apologetic women? Heaps of them. But relaxed women? At-ease women? Women who don't dissect their days into half hour slots of productivity? Women who prioritize rest and pleasure and play? Women who aren't afraid to take up space in the world? Women who give themselves unconditional permission to relax? Without guilt? Without apology? Without feeling like they need to earn it? I'm not sure I've ever met a woman like that. But I would like to become one.”

― Nicola Jane Hobbs

It would seem I wasn't the only one. It would seem this was a universal struggle.

Going back in time, I feel like I might have portrayed the “ultimate resting girl”. Whenever not at school, I was sleeping past noon and sometimes way into the early afternoon. I wasn't super active on chores and could be found snuggled with a book way too often.

Now that I know myself better, and I know life better, I realise the lazy label doesn't cut it. And the description of a well-rested girl couldn't be farther from the truth.

Because, at least according to my books, you feel good while resting, and you feel better afterwards.

However, this was not the experience I've been having. I was sleeping until late because I was going to bed too late (due to procrastination) and because the world after waking up didn't feel particularly enticing. I was not waking up feeling amazing and ready to take on the world.

Quite the opposite.

Even reading, an activity I love, was something I couldn't enjoy properly. Because guilt was always lurking at the back of my mind. Because there were other things I should have been doing, other things that I should have already done.

Procrastination is not rest.

It is anything but. It is a slow pain that drags on and on and gains momentum with each extra minute it holds you in its grip. The little voice inside your head depletes you of your motivation and of your self-worth.

And possibly the worst part of it is that it quite successfully manages to convince you that you don't need rest. That you don't deserve it, because you've already spent so much time doing "nothing".

It conveniently overlooks the fact that your brain was not doing nothing. The fact that your mind was busy being your very own mini torture chamber.

All the overthinking, overwhelm, analysis paralysis, fears - they not only suck the energy out of us, they suck the life out too.

If anything, I can now see it was a miracle some stuff actually got done. As I only now come to understand, I was drowning in anxiety, but I was expecting myself to be more productive than anyone else.

The first time I saw a quote along the lines of "rest is not a reward, it is a right", my mind was blown away.

I lived in the paradigm of "you can only rest once everything is done" (which, by my current calculations, is in about 200 years).

Rest is the thing you do once you have nothing left on your to-do list. Which makes sense if the list is somewhat realistic and some things do get done.

But in the troughs of procrastination, it is a bad strategy to adopt.

Overlooking our well-being while pursuing goals and tasks can only get us so far. It might feel like we are fully committed to doing the most important things first, but we don't realise we are running on empty. And that we end up stuck, which only makes the whole situation worse.

Rest is essential, just like the air we breathe.

Yes, we can push far longer without resting, but this doesn’t mean that we won’t be paying back for it later.

Not only are we less and less productive each day we spend without proper rest, but we are also bound to burn out. Which is quite a bit worse.

I know all of this is not easy, and I still struggle with resting without feeling guilty.

What has helped me a lot is keeping the tasks in my to-do small, and having a better understanding of overwhelm and why I tend to procrastinate.

Pulse point roller balls with essential oils have also been quite helpful in putting me in a relaxing mode.

Still, probably the most important part of it all is to keep reminding ourselves we don’t need to earn rest.

It’s best to allocate some time for it each day, as little as this might be. And to be aware of our energy levels, and pull the plug on productivity once we feel like we can no longer concentrate.

It is hard not to get caught up in the voices in your head, but you shouldn't believe them.

You are worthy. And you are worthy of rest. Not every single thing you do has to have a "productive output".

Being well and being well-rested is one of the best outputs you can hope for.