This is such a relatable post. When looking at the messy state of my bedroom or my scribbled handwriting, you wouldn't think I'm a perfectionist either, but I am in the sense that I'm a high achiever and hold myself to high standards that are often impossible to meet. You mention the phrase "everything in moderation," and that's definitely true, because I've always described perfectionism as both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's a great motivator, on the other hand, it can be quite exhausting at times. I love how you wrap up this post, particularly when you say: "we are imperfect beings, and this is where our charm is." Loved reading this!!
I'm glad my words resonated with you! It is indeed quite tough to navigate this balancing act of capitalising on the best sides of perfectionism and minimising the bad ones.
Sometimes what gets me out of a "perfectionism crisis" is to imagine how things would be if they went totally perfectly, if it was all perfect for real. And often in those moments, I realise I'd miss the colours and imperfection of life :)
How interesting! So 'perfectionism' really resonated within you from your teenage years? I suspect I am a perfectionist as well but, as you said, it's not that everything in my life has to be strategically perfect. I don't fold my socks every day. I can't help but thinking, how is perfectionism a bad thing? It means you're good at things and you care. Slippery slope here.
True Barbs, it is not so black and white! I definitely appreciate what perfectionism has contributed to my life, but when it spreads out too much and consumes it, I feel it is stealing more than it is contributing.
For me the most exhausting part are the constant thoughts of how I could have done things better and generally never being truly content with myself, no matter how well I do
I am finding so many elements about myself in your lines! This twisted reality of being the perfectionist on the outside and feeling like everything is falling apart on the inside. I still use have coping mechanism of "having to clean and tidy up everything" when I feel I cannot sort out my inner world.
I can relate to this feeling of "you put all your expectations on the perfect output, just to find that even IF you manage to live up to it, the FEELING of having achieved it is merely what you have expected". One toxic side of the perfectionism that I also noticed is that sometimes, we expect too much of other people that they should behave or do things exactly like we do. Like who are we? It's so great to be curious and learn from others.
I have never been able to find a mantra that really resonates with me. However, just recently, I picked up the practic of telling me each morning "I am safe. And I will bring the very best of me that I can do today." And this shifts the "perfectionism" to the process of the day and the actions, rather than a targeted outcome and also making me more compassionate about my expection of what "the very best" means for that particular day.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights here, Fabienne! There are so many contradictios, right? In my case it is usually "do it perfectly or don't do it at all", which is not the best mindset to live with.
You are so right, we also tend to expect too much from others, leaving us often disappointed with relationships as well. Your morning ritual sounds great, I am glad you found something that brings more of the good sides of perfectionism out!
This is such a relatable post. When looking at the messy state of my bedroom or my scribbled handwriting, you wouldn't think I'm a perfectionist either, but I am in the sense that I'm a high achiever and hold myself to high standards that are often impossible to meet. You mention the phrase "everything in moderation," and that's definitely true, because I've always described perfectionism as both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's a great motivator, on the other hand, it can be quite exhausting at times. I love how you wrap up this post, particularly when you say: "we are imperfect beings, and this is where our charm is." Loved reading this!!
I'm glad my words resonated with you! It is indeed quite tough to navigate this balancing act of capitalising on the best sides of perfectionism and minimising the bad ones.
Sometimes what gets me out of a "perfectionism crisis" is to imagine how things would be if they went totally perfectly, if it was all perfect for real. And often in those moments, I realise I'd miss the colours and imperfection of life :)
How interesting! So 'perfectionism' really resonated within you from your teenage years? I suspect I am a perfectionist as well but, as you said, it's not that everything in my life has to be strategically perfect. I don't fold my socks every day. I can't help but thinking, how is perfectionism a bad thing? It means you're good at things and you care. Slippery slope here.
True Barbs, it is not so black and white! I definitely appreciate what perfectionism has contributed to my life, but when it spreads out too much and consumes it, I feel it is stealing more than it is contributing.
For me the most exhausting part are the constant thoughts of how I could have done things better and generally never being truly content with myself, no matter how well I do
I am finding so many elements about myself in your lines! This twisted reality of being the perfectionist on the outside and feeling like everything is falling apart on the inside. I still use have coping mechanism of "having to clean and tidy up everything" when I feel I cannot sort out my inner world.
I can relate to this feeling of "you put all your expectations on the perfect output, just to find that even IF you manage to live up to it, the FEELING of having achieved it is merely what you have expected". One toxic side of the perfectionism that I also noticed is that sometimes, we expect too much of other people that they should behave or do things exactly like we do. Like who are we? It's so great to be curious and learn from others.
I have never been able to find a mantra that really resonates with me. However, just recently, I picked up the practic of telling me each morning "I am safe. And I will bring the very best of me that I can do today." And this shifts the "perfectionism" to the process of the day and the actions, rather than a targeted outcome and also making me more compassionate about my expection of what "the very best" means for that particular day.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights here, Fabienne! There are so many contradictios, right? In my case it is usually "do it perfectly or don't do it at all", which is not the best mindset to live with.
You are so right, we also tend to expect too much from others, leaving us often disappointed with relationships as well. Your morning ritual sounds great, I am glad you found something that brings more of the good sides of perfectionism out!