Such a brilliant piece and you are so right. For me, leaving behind my people pleasing tendencies is still a work in progress but as you say, if you aren't happy with yourself you can't expect anyone else to be either.
It is definitely not as easy as snapping our fingers and having all those tendencies be gone. After we've been doing this for years, it is probably as strong as a habit.
Now that I am more aware of the behaviour, I catch myself saying yes (or no, depending on the question) on autopilot. When if I would have checked in with myself, I would have answered the exact opposite.
And I guess with time, we also come to realise the most important relationship we have is to ourselves :)
You are really writing from your heart hear. It is so pure and relatable!
One aspect is also that by always accomodate the - what we assume to be - expectations of others and never share our own needs, we in fact might come accross as "distant" or "superior". People have an innate desire to be there for others. To make them happy. But by giving our all to please everyone around us, we also withhold the chance to give something back to us. Hence, we never are able to make the deep connections and actually FEEL LIKED AND LOVED the way we long so deeply for.
Letting go of the people pleasing is not only to do less pleasing (since this kind of stems from the resentment building up), but genuinely make place for sharing our own needs and how other "can please us".
Thanks for your (as always) very thoughtful comment, Fabienne! 🥰
I really like the different perspective you are bringing into this. It's so true, I am a people-pleaser but asking for help is my last resort 😅 Which indeed creates this imbalance and distance in relationships that you are talking about
Such a brilliant piece and you are so right. For me, leaving behind my people pleasing tendencies is still a work in progress but as you say, if you aren't happy with yourself you can't expect anyone else to be either.
Thank you, Louise!
It is definitely not as easy as snapping our fingers and having all those tendencies be gone. After we've been doing this for years, it is probably as strong as a habit.
Now that I am more aware of the behaviour, I catch myself saying yes (or no, depending on the question) on autopilot. When if I would have checked in with myself, I would have answered the exact opposite.
And I guess with time, we also come to realise the most important relationship we have is to ourselves :)
You are really writing from your heart hear. It is so pure and relatable!
One aspect is also that by always accomodate the - what we assume to be - expectations of others and never share our own needs, we in fact might come accross as "distant" or "superior". People have an innate desire to be there for others. To make them happy. But by giving our all to please everyone around us, we also withhold the chance to give something back to us. Hence, we never are able to make the deep connections and actually FEEL LIKED AND LOVED the way we long so deeply for.
Letting go of the people pleasing is not only to do less pleasing (since this kind of stems from the resentment building up), but genuinely make place for sharing our own needs and how other "can please us".
Thanks for your (as always) very thoughtful comment, Fabienne! 🥰
I really like the different perspective you are bringing into this. It's so true, I am a people-pleaser but asking for help is my last resort 😅 Which indeed creates this imbalance and distance in relationships that you are talking about